Holiday Guest Etiquette

1.  Don’t wait until that day to RSVP.
2.  Don’t bring along a guest that was not invited unless you ask the host/hostess for permission.
3. Don’t show up early and don’t be the last one to leave.
4. Don’t go to the party hungry.  Be sure to eat a little something beforehand.
5. Don’t drink more than two drinks and don’t drink from a bottle (unless it is a very casual party).
6. Don’t wait for your host/hostess to introduce you.  Introduce yourself and introduce those you know to others.
7. Don’t hold your drink in your right hand.  Hold it in your left hand so that your right hand is free to shake hands when you meet people.
8. Don’t monopolize your host’s time or anyone else’s.  Parties are for mingling and meeting new people.
9. Don’t hover near the food table.  You may nibble more than you expect to and there are others that would like food.
10. Don’t leave empty glasses, plates and napkins on furniture or tables.  Dispose of them in a trash can.

Tips for the Holiday Host/Hostess

Tips for the Holiday Host/Hostess

1. Be sure to list a start time and an ending time on your invitation.
2. Be sure to invite a mix of new friends and forever friends.
3. Be sure not to invite recently separated couples or friends having relationship problems.
4. Be prepared for someone to arrive early.  It is rude, but some people just don’t know better.
5. Be sure to have plenty of food.  You don’t have to put all the food out at once.  Add food to the table throughout the evening.
6. Be receptive to others that want to help with serving food and drinks.
7. Be responsible.  Limit the type of alcohol you serve and have plenty of water and soft drinks.
8. Be a good host/hostess and mingle.  People came to visit with you.
9. Be calm if something gets spilt or broken.  Try not to get upset and make the person feel worse.
10. Be sure to put on both Holiday music and some other types of music.  Keep the volume at a level that allows people to hear each other talk.

Holiday Tipping When Budgets are Tight

The holidays are a time when our hearts “grow five times” as large.  We want to thank the people who have supported us and provided us services throughout the year.  But what do we do when our budgets are limited?

Please don’t get stressed out.  It absolutely is the thought that counts!

So what do we give? Here are a few suggestions:

A handwritten note or card describing how much their friendship/service has meant to you. (Taking the time to write a short personal note is a HUGE gift these days!) Yes, you can send an email and/or an email holiday card.

A letter to the supervisor of someone that provides you excellent service. (Who knows, you may help them get a raise or promotion in the years to come.)

A $5 gift card to a coffee shop, bakery, donut shop, chocolate store (Loco for Coco), lunch place, etc.

Boxed cookies or chocolates.  (Home baked goods should only be given to those that know you well.)

A woolen scarf. Scarves are so inexpensive now.  You can find many for $10 and under.

Keep it simple and sincere.  If at all possible, deliver your gift in person.  Let that person see in your eyes and body language how much they mean to you.  If you can’t be there in person, make sure your card, handwritten note, or email uses lots of adjectives to describe how you really feel.

When the economy gets better, here is the typical tipping guide at the holidays:

Postman/Postwoman – They are not allowed to accept cash and gifts must be under $20.

Trash Collector – $10-$30

Lawn Care Person – $20-$25

Newspaper Delivery Person = $10-$30

Hairstylist – The cost of one haircut.

Personal Trainer – The cost of one session.

Teacher – Check with the school, but a small gift under $20 is appropriate.

Cleaning Person – Cost of one visit.

Baby Sitter – One nights pay.

Day Care Provider – $20-$25

Dog Walker – One weeks pay.

Groomer – The cost of one visit.

Handling Family Conflict During the Holidays

No family is perfect, so conflict is inevitable when families gather.

Along with the usual “issues” that each family faces around the table — in-laws, sibling rivalries, adolescents with attitude and relatives who don’t speak to each other — this year we can add the raw feelings of national politics and the economy.

Here are Eight Survival Tips to Remember…

1. Check your attitude at the door.  Walk in with a positive attitude.  The day will not be perfect, accept that ahead of time.
2. Try not to criticize, condemn or complain.  Every one feels stress around the holidays and emotions run high. Try to look the other way when you hear a negative comment or give someone the benefit of the doubt and hope they do the same for you.
3. Every one of us is unique.  None of us are perfect.  We all have our idiosyncrasies.
4. Listen, really listen.  Let them say everything they need to say.  Then say “Now, would you be willing to listen to my point of view?”
5. Think about what has triggered your emotions in the past.
6. Try to empathize with the transgressor — Why would he or she act that way?  Acknowledge their feelings.  “I can see how you might feel that way.” Or “I can see why you would be upset.”
7. Prepare responses to questions that you know will be asked or anticipate may be asked.  Remember to start your statement with the word “I” and not “You.”  Some suggestions are:  “I consider that private.”, “I’d appreciate it if you would not speak to me in that way.”, “Yes, I’m sensitive.  It is what makes a caring person.”,  “I’m not comfortable discussing that subject.”, “Perhaps you`re right.”, “That`s an interesting opinion.”, “I`ll think about that perspective” or “I need more information before I can comment on that.” If you get upset, cool down.
8. Step out of the room or outside and breathe!  Go for a short walk around the house.

We’re better than this! We must do better!

Commander Scott Kelly, the brother-in-law of Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, was quoted as saying:   

“As I look out the window, I see a very beautiful planet that seems very inviting and peaceful. Unfortunately, it is not. These days we’re constantly reminded of the unspeakable acts of violence and damage we can inflict upon one another, not just with our actions, but also with our irresponsible words.  We’re better than this.  We must do better.”

In Peggy Noonan’s brilliant article in The Wall Street Journal January 7, 2011 titled ”The Captain and The King” http://tinyurl.com/4mf3y9a she further emphasizes the need for all of us to do better.

When you read leadership in this quote, also think parent, sibling, relative, friend, boss, or coworker.

“But it’s a great mistake when you are in a leadership position to want to be like everyone else. Because that, actually, is not your job. Your job is to be better, and to set standards that those below you have to reach to meet. And you have to do this even when it’s hard, even when you know you yourself don’t quite meet the standards you represent.” 

Ms. Noonan is absolutely correct in her statement, ”It is that no one knows how to act anymore, and people miss people who knew how to act.” 

The answer to all this mayhem is one word, respect.  We learn respect when we are taught how to treat people. We learn respect when we are taught how to behave in all situations.  We learn respect when we all sit at the dinner table together and respectfully listen to how each person spent their day.  We learn respect by reading and watching content that reinforces respect.

We are better than this!  Let’s start today by being better. 

 www.smartin-up.com Helping corporations, adults and children remember their manners and proper protocol.

COURTESY = RESPECT = HARMONY

Limits of Our Own Making by Nigel D. Alston

Limits of our own making
By Nigel D. Alston
April 21, 2005

“You cannot conquer what you won’t confront and you cannot confront what you won’t identify.”

- Author Unknown

I couldn’t believe my eyes; she had made such a transformation from the day I first saw her. She is married now, I found out, and has a family of her own. She was eager to show me the family pictures, smiling as I looked them over. She was bright eyed, cheerful and full of life and self-confidence.

The first time I saw her, she was dressed in unflattering shorts (hanging down to her knees), a wrinkled T-shirt, sneakers and a cap. It was a rather disheveled look. She had no confidence at all in herself or her abilities.

It was obvious at first sight that she was nervous and afraid to stay in the Dale Carnegie class that first night. The fear registered in her face. You could see it in her eyes. Her body trembled as she stood to introduce herself, as she barely talked above a whisper.

Her mother and uncle had encouraged her to enroll in the class to regain her self-confidence. Basically, they wanted her to get a life. She really needed to. She was afraid to venture out of her own house, except to go to work. She was literally living in her comfort zone, that mental house we get used to and don’t want to leave.

The first time I saw her reminded me of a woman who wandered into a pet store while on a business trip. It was the strangest thing the saleswoman, an out-of-town visitor, had ever seen. Tanks were filled with sharks. If that wasn’t unusual enough, it certainly was odd and she wanted to know where the store owner found such a variety of sharks.

“If you notice, there are also different size tanks: small, medium and large,” the owner told the woman. “Most people think small shark, small tank; big shark, big tank. Actually, I decide the size of the shark by the size of the tank; it won’t grow beyond that. If I want a big shark, I put it in a big tank.”

The story isn’t true, although it is true that people grow according to the size of their comfort zones, the mental houses they live in, their self-imposed zones, sometimes called a rut. And some of us live in houses that other people place us in, like the sharks, controlled by others’ perceptions and actions.

Living in a small tank is like watching life pass you by, letting one opportunity after another slip through your fingers. Are you afraid to take a risk, to speak in front of a group, or be more assertive? Perhaps you have been rendered ineffective when faced with changing jobs, being alone, aging, losing a loved one, or ending a relationship?

Often, like the transformed woman I met in the Dale Carnegie class I conducted several years ago, people don’t believe they’re capable of doing big things, so they don’t try. They give up. They suffer from a chronic lack of confidence in their ability as well as an unwillingness to venture into uncharted territory.

She was letting life pass her by.

There are others too (those in the medium-sized tank), who are on auto pilot. They have done reasonably well, are comfortable with their current situation, and find it difficult to keep growing. They have reached a plateau. Life is good.

Then there are those people who seem to always want more and demonstrate a willingness to take chances – the big-tank people. They take risks, stretch and experience what life has to offer (the good and the not so good), learning from each situation, making adjustments all along the way.

One way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do whatever it is you fear. “Just doing it” leads to increased self-confidence and helps expand your comfort zone.

That is what the former student had done, over the last couple of years, expanded her comfort zone. The more she does, the further away she is from her original comfort zone and she likes that feeling. And now, having created new opportunities, she is willing to take more risks. Her tank is getting bigger by the day.

The limits inside that we live are largely of our own making. Don’t find yourself in the position of the sharks, allowing someone else to decide the size of your tank and the limits of your potential. Decide for yourself. Like the student, your transformation might be worth it.

Take a Dale Carnegie Course and join me in the “large tank.”  Sindy Martin

Expect Professionalism

It never ceases to amaze me where I hear references to the importance of professionalism.  This morning on the ESPN show Mike and Mike in the Morning (our favorite morning show), Mike Golic went on one of his lovable rants about Miles Austin leapfrogging over Roy Williams.  Mikes point is very valid, the owner and CEO of any organization should expect professionalism from their employees/players.  If you let them get away with it, what is it saying about your “Brand?”  In sports and in business we have gotten too casual and consequently are influencing a nation. 

Its’ now Brand vs. Brand!  You’ve spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to keep your Brand on top and your values/benefits top of mind, but are your employees/players a deficit to that Brand by the personal Brand they are displaying?  Mike Golic is right on target – Expect Professionalism!

Don’t even get me started about the facial hair and hair hanging out of helmets!  That’s a Sindy rant that would rival a Mike rant!

How to Enter a Room

Smartin-Up™ Your Personal Brand –

How to Enter a Room

 

When you enter a room:

    1. Keep your head held high.

2. Keep your shoulders back.

3. Have a pleasant look on your face.

4. Keep your feet pointed straight ahead.

5. Do not swing your arms wider than the width of your shoulders.

6. Step into the room and survey it, make some eye contact.

7. Don’t break out that big smile until the other person has spoken.

©2010 Smartin International, Inc.

Don’t Just Click and Pray – Careers 101: Applying for a Job Online

Careers 101: Applying for a job online

In this job market, there can be hundreds of people applying for every job  posted online. So what can applicants do to increase the chances of being called in for an interview?

1. Focus on keywords

Many corporations use an application tracking system that involves a keyword search. An applicant’s résumé must pass this test, and there are two main ways to do that:

• By reading the job description carefully and using the same descriptive words that the company used in the online advertisement.

• By using the title of the job in the résumé objective or career summary.

2. Refer to the job number

After receiving an online application, many companies will send automated messages notifying applicants that their application or résumé has been received. Often that notification includes a key to getting more information about the position — the job number. Tracking systems at larger companies rely this number, but it is also important for applicants. First, it allows you to get information quickly about the status of a job opening when contacting a company. You also can list that job number in any correspondence with the company. At larger companies, you usually can call the human resources department to get the job number for a specific position.

3. Find an insider

The next step in the online application process is the same step you would take if you had applied for the job by regular mail: Find out who the hiring manager is, if that person wasn’t listed in the advertisement. Who do you know that works for that company? Who do you know that knows someone that works for that company? Ask friends, family and acquaintances for leads. Also make sure you check into contacts you have on LinkedIn or Facebook.

Once you track down someone who works for the company, ask the employee if he or she can help you get the name of the hiring manager. You should also send that employee your résumé and the job number for reference. If you know the person well, ask if he or she would feel comfortable speaking on your behalf to the hiring manager or someone else of influence within the company.

4. Use regular mail

After applying for a job online, it’s a good idea to send a hard copy of your resume, along with a cover letter and a letter of recommendation, if possible.

This tactic may not seem necessary at first. After all, the employer has already received your résumé, so isn’t sending another copy overkill? Could it work against you? Since the job market is so competitive right now, it’s a chance you should be willing to take to stand out. Besides, very few people apply to jobs advertised online by sending a résumé by snail mail, so that is to your advantage.

Again, be sure to list the job number and exact title of the position in your cover letter. Explain why you are the best fit for the job and for the company. Be concise and polite. Thank them for their time and consideration.

5. Follow up by phone

In one week, call the human resources department to confirm the hiring manager received your résumé. Ask if the position has been filled, and if it hasn’t, what the projected date is for interviews to begin. Ask if you can follow up again in three weeks. Many job ads will tell you not to call the company. If that’s the case, respect that request and instead correspond through e-mail or regular mail.

If you have not heard anything from the company after three weeks, call again to ask if the position is still open. If not, move on, keep at it and repeat these steps for every job you apply for online.

Sindy Martin is a business consultant and owner of consulting firm Smartin International in High Point. She has 25 years experience as a trainer in corporate America. Martin can be reached at 336- 687-1933 or sindy@SmartinInternational.com.

@Copyright 2010

Etiquette in the Waiting Room

How we enter the interview waiting room can be as important as what we do in the waiting room! How are you perceived? Are you a duck, an elephant or a mouse? If you are a duck you enter the room with a wide toothed grin, both feet pointing out. If you are an elephant you enter the room by charging in with both arms swinging wide. If you are a mouse you slip into the room quietly trying not to make eye contact.

So how should you enter a room? Stand up straight with a confident air. Close the door by entering the room and closing the door behind you without turning to face it.

Put a pleasant look on your face and a slight smile. Save that wide smile for the person that you speak to first, not the whole room at once. Make eye contact briefly with each person in the room. Don’t swing your arms wider than the width of your shoulders.

Have your portfolio and or brief case organized so that no papers are sticking out. Don’t enter with your paper resume in hand. If you don’t have a portfolio or brief case, but the resume in a clean unbent file folder.

Introduce yourself and explain your reason for arrival to the receptionist. Shake the receptionists hand and present your business card to him/her. There is a proper way to shake hands and to present your business card. Read more on that subject to polish your professionalism.

Select a chair that gives you the best view of the room and allows you to converse easily with the receptionist and others in the room. Never underestimate the power of a good impression on the receptionist.

Once seated, do not cross your legs. Sit up straight with both feet forward. Sit relaxed and comfortable, just not too comfortable. Remember to keep your posture and a pleasant look on your face. Make eye contact and greet others in the room.

Remember that you will need to do all of the above when you enter the room where the interview will take place. The first few minutes of the interview will make a lasting impression. Body language speaks louder than words.

Take a deep breath, exhale slowly and repeat the word tranquility in your mind. It’s ok to be nervous at an interview, everyone is. Once you start talking about your accomplishments, you’ll be fine.

Written by Sindy Martin, ©Smartin International 2009
www.linkedin/in/SindyMartin, www.twitter.com/SindyMartin